Never give up because great things take time.
Are we impatient with our lives because we do not know how to acknowledge unwanted emotions?
Who has a problem with patience? I know I do. It is very easy to get into a space where you don’t want to take your time with the things that will be great in your life.
Here is why that is a problem though, I think we are all looking to get to the top of the mountain to get a glimpse of the world and to feel like we accomplished the great things in life that seemingly were impossible.
But what if the top of the mountain was an illusion?
What if the top of the mountain was really just another stepping stone to getting somewhere else?
One of the reasons why many of my clients give up on their goals is because they feel like it is taking too long. Or, they feel discouraged, and their time is being wasted.
I’m sure we all have felt that, and even you may have had those feelings where you wanted to obtain something extraordinary in your life, and it is not happening fast enough to achieve it.
A huge reason you may feel like it is taking too long, is that you continue to look at the people who are already living the life you want or enjoying the things you wish you had.
And yeah, many people talk about this, but I don’t think too many people really address how depressing it is to have a goal and looking at someone else achieving it.
Let’s face it, many of us have been haters before or have had a hint of envy. One of the reasons people don’t’ talk about envy is because it is shameful to have those feelings.
How many of your friends openly admit they are envious of someone because they have something they don’t have yet?
Just think for a moment, is it easy to admit that you have had envy in the past, or currently right now?
Yeah, being honest about envy is not what you expect to see in a blog, but here is why it is connected to being impatient:
Envy is wanting what someone else has. It is easy to be impatient with your goals and desires when you want your wishes to become a reality instantly.
I have found that people become more impatient with their goals when they constantly see other people having fun or being happy living the life they wish they had.
I know for me, it was easy to become impatient with my next vacation when I was constantly seeing my friends living their best lives on beaches and vacation spots. Constantly seeing them being happy made me a little depressed inside.
I started to become not just envious but discontent with my job and how my life was going.
My life and my job were great, but I was discontent and impatient with achieving that goal of going on that perfect dream vacation because I was envious of my friends who were having fun, and I wasn’t.
I had to ask myself this question, am I discontent and impatient because I genuinely despise where I am now, or is this because I am constantly looking at my friends being happy and going places I wish I could go?
This type of processing helped me to understand the nature of envy. Envy is not a destructive emotion.
I know that it can be shameful because it is publicly disgraced. Still, in reality, envy is just another emotion trying to communicate something intrinsic that is going on inside you that you are probably ignoring.
Here is how to understand a negative emotion and not feel ashamed about it.
Admitting your envy will help you to be more honest about yourself and your feelings.
One of the worst things you can do is suppress emotions and never identify, address, and rectify them. In therapy sessions, suppressing emotions is the easiest and fastest way to become overwhelmed and become reactive.
To prevent that from happening, you have to admit to yourself that you have envy towards someone. Admit it to yourself without feeling ashamed of the feeling.
I know envy is an unwanted feeling that society has especially demonized, but what if it wasn’t shameful? What if you don’t have to feel guilty or embarrassed for having this feeling in the first place? What would you do?
Admitting your own envy is a way to prevent negative behavior from happening in your life.
When it is hard to acknowledge that you are envious, lean into why you don’t want to admit it. Think about the lies you have told yourself for you to not feel guilty or ashamed.
Here is a tip:
Take some time to yourself and begin to break down all of the defenses you built to help you suppress your envy.
After you allow yourself not to feel embarrassed or guilty for having these envy, begin to admit who you are envious of and why.
Figuring out why impatience is linked to envy:
Many times we are impatient because we want what other people have. We are impatient with ourselves because we want to be like other people we think are great. Is this normal? Is this ok?
One of the most troubling revelations my clients have had during sessions, is when they realize they were always envious of a sibling or a very close friend.
It becomes a breakthrough because they start to understand why they dislike their sibling or have unwanted feelings toward them and themselves.
Many of my clients who have had anxiety and depression were able to link it back to their home environment and the differences in their lives compared to their siblings or close friends.
Many of my clients lose their identity because they try to be an exact replica of the “hero” sibling or the exact opposite.
When my clients and I start to break down that they live a life of anxiety because they are always impatient of getting something they truly want, we can generally look into the family or peer dynamics and see what they feel they are missing!
Envy communicates what you think is missing in your life!
Having envy isn’t as terrible as people make it seem. Often, envy is just indicating that there is a need that is not getting met, and you feel that need is getting met in someone else.
I remember there was this one client who was jealous of his sister. She was the ideal daughter who did “everything right.” My client was envious of his sister because she got all of the attention.
He wasn’t able to articulate his envy, and it built up to be hatred because he hated that his sister got everything she wanted and he didn’t.
Now, my client becomes very impatient with himself to prove that he is as good as his sister to the rest of his family.
When he came to me looking for therapy, he wasn’t able to identify why he had anxiety and why he always felt impatient with himself in achieving goals.
He was impatient with himself in getting a degree, building a family, and having a stellar career. Why? Because he was always trying to have what his sister had.
Working with clients like this comes down to one critical factor, and that is this:
What is envy telling you?
In my client’s case, envy was telling him that he is missing out on attention from his parents.
He lacked validation.
He lacked security in his abilities.
It wasn’t just being envious of his sister just because. No! He always wanted to know that his family appreciated him without him being compared to his older sister.
So, in this case, like many others, you have to sit down and ask yourself what are your feelings telling you?
When you feel impatient with yourself, is it because you are secretly holding envy in your heart and you don’t know why?
And is envy telling you that you are missing a need in your life that you are ignoring?
Addressing your envy is a lot easier than suppressing it. Yeah, having envy can feel embarrassing, but in the end, if you could listen to it, it can tell you that you are not addressing a massive problem in your life.
So, yeah, we took a hard look at why we can be impatient without ourselves or with our goals and found that we are often impatient because we want what other people have.
I do not think this is entirely bad thing. I think if we can be honest and listen to our negative emotions we can get further in our self improvement journey!
Until next time my friends,